Member Interview: Heneage
Tell us a bit about yourself …
I'm 20. An incredible mix of English, Italian, Danish and recently found out French Scottish. Born in Newcastle to Lorraine and Brian. A little brother Dan and a little dog called DJ who is like a brother due to my Parents spoiling him rotten.
Lived in Washington (Sunderland) and moved to Durham in 96, went to school got A-levels now training to be a TV News anchor (That's right Anchor) and journalist/PR man, think Ari Gold from Entourage. Run the family book-keeping business since rents retired. So always working.
Why does Shearer get so much stick from a lot of people, especially on this site, even though he seems a top bloke?
He gets a rep for being moody by work mates of mine. Can't say I've met the bloke, but I think it's because he was the model professional, never fell out of clubs or had affairs, but was England's best striker. He does a bucket for charity and recently opened a play centre for disabled kids, something I don't think he does for the credit he just does it because he can. I think Man Utd fans will always hate him for turning them down, as my Dad says "To them you do not turn down Manchester United" Its sad because he did a lot for football and scored against teams from Stevenage to Inter, In a way I feel for him that he didn't win more.
What do you think of Religion? Ever questioned your beliefs?
I believe. Have I questioned it? Many a time. When I was 17-18 I had 2 family members die in 2 weeks, one of my family was outed as a paedophile My dad had a nervous break down, and my mum was paralyzed and almost died. My parents were good people they are my family, I went through a period of hating God, because he hurt two people that had believed in him and that I loved and given me so many things to deal with at a young age, but it made me stronger, I can deal with more now, I don't get as angry or bitter about things. I went through a period of heavy drinking and in part its why I ****ed up my A-Levels I could have done a lot better. But the way I see it, why blame God, it gets me nowhere, I could sit down and be bitter and say "Why did my football career never take off" etc, but then I'd be sat at 40 alone and bitter, instead I work damn hard to secure money to look after my family the best I can. I don't ask God for anything, because that shouldn't be how it works, you shouldn't ask God for money or a good job, you should earn it through your own hard work, you should only look at him to give you strength to achieve the goals you set out.
Why do you react so childishly when people have a bit of banter about your football team yet banter in any other form, you seem to enjoy?
Santi- I've been a Newcastle fan for 15 years. I've had so much shit you wouldn't believe. My only gripes with "Banter" about NEwcastle is if it's;
Misinformed- Claiming Xisco is on 50k
Old- Keep it up to date, you tell the same jokes every week at the comedy store it gets old mighty quick.
Whats with the avatar and sig? They make me laugh but explain?
I'll be honest, I'm a wind up. That Orient kid clearly doesn't get what I tried to explain to Geeman about not biting, when he does it will cease, if you don't respond to my jokes then I will get bored.
How did you feel when the full time whistle went at villa park?
Dejected springs to mind. It didn't sink in really. Like the Prem badges are still on the shirts, Sky Sports still has you in the league.
It's a sad day, a lot changes quickly. The players you were going to buy, teams you were going to play. In a way you miss the most what you got used to the most. Relegation has never threatened this club till this season. Even then you think the squad's good enough but it wasn't. It hurt to go down to a goal like that too, a deflection. That's when you think "Aye it's meant to be" .
Whats your problem with orient and santi?
Santi bores me more than anything, his humour's poor, and he doesn't allow for banter as he doesn't pick a club team, then like a Parrott goes "My team's Newcastle" it's sad I'm sure he's a decent bloke.
Orient I just feel for. He's like most lads o'f 16. Thinks he's a bit pretty doesn't want to take **** off the older lads, when he realises that to stop getting it you stop biting he'll be a happier lad.
Do you follow newcastle falcons rugby team?
Not really. I went to school with a girl who knows most of them from working there, but Rugby's not my game. Our Rugby team were dick heads.
Why dont you like newcastle fans who aren't from newcastle?
Are you kidding? I love any Newcastle fan that isn't negative about the club and constantly shitting on it, a fan supports not detracts.
Why do you run and tell tales to admin/mods when someone tries to have a bit of crack with you?
Crack isn't constant insults and jokes from 2003. There's a few on here I'll banter with likes of Stone Monkey and Bamber Naz SMG all of those, it has to be give and take, if you don't have a team I can't give it back. Know what I'm saying?
How did you feel when santi was banned from the newcastle forum?
In a way happy because it stopped his terrible jokes. I've told him numerous times, pick a club team then we'll have some banter. Its like going on a date and not being allowed to ask any questions, its not a date then it's an interview.
Do you enjoy coca cola? I think you should
The irony here is, I fuckin love it. Like I say I didn't support us because we were top of the league, I was lucky to witness the Keegan era of Newcastle in the 90's I grew up watching some of the best football this leagues ever seen.
Plus it'll be a nice change of scenery and the chance to meet Robert!
You've made comments in the past about some of Newcastle's fans that aren't from the area. Do you really believe that just because someone wasn't born in Newcastle, that they can't fuilly love the club? If so, does living there automatically raise your status above them?
Of course not. My statements were aimed at explaining that someone who doesn't live here won't grasp the full sense of the club. If I'm a cunt for saying that then so be it. But I was there when we beat Sunderland 2-0 and Man Utd 4-3. I walk past the Chronicle seller by Eldon Square I see this club on a daily basis, I had trials at the club so to me I do to an extent feel like I know it more. But I would never say that because you are foreign you can't be a fan, that's nuts, this summer I have a lad from Norway coming to watch a game with me.
How would you rate yourself, looks wise? You strike me as someone who gets a boner looking at themselves in the mirror, but i'm not quite sure why....
I would never rate myself looks wise. It's an incredibly arrogant thing to say "I'm hot" as what's hot? I take care of myself and like to look presentable, if that means I think I'm hot then so be it, I can't change that, I was raised to always look presentable, but I don't spend vasts of money on clothes. But I'm probably a bit of a prettyboy/spiceboy.
I've been lucky enough to go out with girls that are very attractive, and it's been said I'm cute a bit like a puppy.
You bounce around from thread to thread criticising many teams.....yet seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that you're own team is beyond ****- is it some sort of escape mechanism for you?
I wouldn't say I criticse teams. But I just give my opinion on stuff. I think every team has it's things that fans will ignore, we all have our elements of bias. I admit my team are **** right now I'd be daft to say other wise. I won't make excuses, we were good 4-5 years back but right now we need gutting. But I don't see why because of my own teams frailities I shouldn't be allowed to comment on other teams. Forum means discussion remember.
Do you feel foolish for not listening to numerous Liverpool fans warning you about Owen and his Judas ways when he joined, as you brought into every word of his?
Did I? I can honestly say I never felt like Owen was ours. I mean he was scoring, and I define a football fan not to be happy when a strikers scoring. But I would never say he was happy to be here. I tell you what's funny if it wasn't for us getting Owen you wouldn't have got Torres. It was Owen or Torres would you believe, and we picked Owen. On paper back then you see why, but that's football. I hope he has a good end to his career.
When will you finally admit the Toon are up the **** creek without a paddle when it comes to their finances
Er, we need to ship bodies no doubt, but in a sense Ashley's wealth is helpful. The money we own to creditors is money owed to Ashley he loaned us the money, it won't be pretty for us but hopefully we can come out of it.
Where does the username Heneage come from?
It's Danish/Norwegian. There's a town in Norway called Heneage and there was a Danish knight called Heneage that I believe I'm descended from. It's a cool name and a bit different, as is my first name. As a kid it was annoying but older I get the more I love it.
When do you think Newcastle will get back to the EPL?
Of course, we are ever the optimist us Geordies. Back next season then push for europe
Nah but seriously, I've had a lot of time for reflection and this should allow for lots of dead wood to be removed which can only be a blessing.
Would you like to be a 24-7 mod?
Heck yeah. I think sometimes too many on here become bogged down with points scoring and digs, you need to be a little laid back to be a mod.
Chris Waddle...discuss
Ha the man the myth the legend. Bit before my time but still of what I've seen a great player, shocking pundit mind. I have a video of my Dad and Uncle miming to that song him and Hoddle did seeing as my Dad was a Geordie who played winger for Dunlops Motors and my uncle (None blood) was from the south and it was an injoke as they had longish hair. So for that I'll always thank Wor Chrissy.
Who did you bribe to vote for you in order to win the interview nomination?
I bribed no one, I know who the winning vote was, Captain Howdy a toon fan.
Aren't you ashamed that you've been interviewed before yet played dirty in order to get another spin?
Stop it sultan.
What’s your favourite childhood memory?
This will show you how Football Obsessed I am. My first game back after the suspected broken foot. My Dad worked Sundays at Nissan most weekends so rarely got to see me play. But he booked the weekend off, we went Go-Karting the Saturday, and to Chester Market, then he took me to JJB to get some new boots, Nike Total 90's in Black and Grey. Then McDonalds for tea.
We were playing the team bottom of the league on the Sunday and they were bad but really dirty, and they had a bad tempered midfielder, who would kick out and get pissed off as he was better than most of the team.
We slept in and got stuck in traffic so I didn't arrive right until kick off so I didn't start and I was gutted. Within no time we were 3-1 down just because our team was being lazy and really was showing the opposition no respect. Just before half time the lad that had taken my spot was kicked by this midfielder and the coach brought me on. Knowing my Dad was watching on was like a red rag to a bull. I took to that pitch like a man possessed and after calming down I set about to play my best game I've played to date. I was playing in the middle, and everything I was trying came off, with about 10 minutes left it was 3-3 and I'd set up both. I was knackered and really should have come off as my ankle was playing up but I refused to come off.
With 5 minutes left, I got the ball on half way and just ran at their defence about 25 yards out I just smashed this ball pure hit and hope and it smashed off the crossbar and into the goal. Queue the most over done celebrating from my team-mates you've ever seen. I just ran straight to my Dad and jumped at him, think Emre with Souness. We won the game 4-3 and I got man of the match. I think it's more special because he was watching you can tell anyone a story about a game, but it's different when they are there, and now he can't watch me because he's not well enough it makes it more special, to know he's seen both his boys boss a game and play well.
Are there any sports you just don’t see the point of?
Rugby totally. I played that as I was nippy as a 15 year old, I did one training session got kicked in the head and was like what the fuck this isn't sport this is Friday night in Newcastle when we lose.
What set of football fans really annoy you? Premier league and lower league.
Erm I'm dunno to class one set of fans and say "They annoy me" would be daft. Sunderland fans have been more funny this last few weeks believing a Dynasty is on the way fronted by Kieran Richardson, and saying how Jones has potential to out score Shearer. Stoke fans were cunts mind when they came up to SJP in the cup last season. But Man Utd were the nicest would you believe.
What’s you favourite type of music?
My Ipod is all sorts. French Hip Hop Indie metal rock, but right now I like a bit of Paolo Nutini, Neil Young, Bob Dylan the older stuff, I don't feel like much of Today's music has any feeling, it's all "I bought new jeans I got pissed, I kissed a girl" You have to connect with your audience, you have to sing about stuff they know about but not make it cliche and bland to the point where it could be any band that begins with "The" and has been on Radio 1.
If you could go to any gig/concert, who’s would it be?
I'd take My Dad and me to see Neil Young. It's the one artists he likes he's never seen and I think he'd love it.
Are there any members you would like to meet up with for a drink or two?
Erm Tom Nufc, Stone monkey IBES Bossa the people that are relaxed, Sultan would be cool I guess. I'm easy going too many people put up a front on here.
But I'll be having a pint with Rob next season who's a real good friend.
If it was one or the other, which would you rather be? Deaf or blind?
Difficult. Because you'd never see the face of those you love, or never be able to hear their voices. I guess deaf, as you can overcome that easier than you can blindness. Like I could still play football.
Did you vote in the general election?
I did yeah. I don't know many that did but I did. I still think it's horrendously corrupt mind. I mean imagine if you got caught nicking from your job, or claiming extra petrol for the company car, you'd get sacked quicker than you could say sorry, but politicians have this brilliant way of either keeping their job or getting a fat pay off. I'm envious I guess.
Are you a boobs, legs or arse man?
You know what I'm holistic it's the sum of all parts. Boobs are so nice, but then I went out with a girl who had the nicest little arse that would just bob up and down as she walked like two hamsters skipping rope. Legs can be nice too, but I like a girl with a degree of class, I don't want it hanging out like we're in Amsterdam, plus I have gotta be able to talk to her. I met a girl last week who was beautiful, truly perfect, but to her Plato was what she ate her dinner off in Magaluff. Mind you I was probably out of her league haha!
Is there anyone that you look up to or have looked up to? Like a role model?
Gotta be my parents. Two simple people raised in council houses that were the most successful business people in the North East, who had it all and then lost it yet aren't bitter. I know it sounds corny as shit and like it's from a Disney move, but they shaped me and made m who I am I work hard for myself and for them.
Marriage, yay or nay?
Yeah eventually. I'd assume the girl I fall in love with will want it. I come from a stable home in terms of my parents are celebrating thei'r 33rd wedding anniversary Friday the 3rd, I think that can sometimes shape you. What you see is what you want to a degree. I'm not desperate to get married, but it would be cool.
Have you ever had a serious injury?
Yeah I broke my wrist playing football, and once thought I'd broken a foot week before a trial.Both in games, one was a bruiser that just did not like the pretty little boy doing tricks.I was put in over the top and was clean through when he just came in behind me and just went for my foot ankle whatever he could get. I had this horrible vision of it being over then and there, and I'd not broken anything before but you don't know you have no scale of pain yet, so when you feel a new level of pain you think "fuck its broken".
My wrist was in a trial game for a team and was a 50 50 that I won the lad didn't mean it and I knew it. It was 8 weeks out and my love life fucked.
If you could do one thing to improve the forum, what would it be?
Just chill people out a bit more. Everyone gets so angry and angsty it's weird. And merge the man Utd Liverpool forum, it would be like dissolving the Gaza or Gazza strip as my mate calls it.
Interview compiled by Lil Yiddo with questions submitted by members of Soccer 24-7.
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